First thoughts

Cancer has become the first thing that pops in my head when I wake up since my diagnosis. These past two mornings have been rough, especially since good sleep has been hard to come by. I’ve found myself being awoken at odd hours of the night/morning — 2 a.m., 4 a.m., etc.

I’ve also been thinking about how to tell my children about this diagnosis. Yesterday, I thought it would be okay to tell them after Tuesday’s initial meeting with the oncologist. But now, I just don’t think that’s a good idea.

I don’t think they need to know until such a time as this diagnosis begins to affect our life together. When I can’t drive them to school because chemotherapy treatments have made me too weak. When my hair begins to fall off. When I can’t make them dinner…

There is no need to worry them when they are really still recovering from my separation from their dad. That’s been a really rough road and they seem to be okay now. I would hate to spoil their peace.

My oldest chose not to go to his school homecoming event tomorrow and that’s a relief. I am just not in the mood for any kind of celebrations.

I’ve been lucky the last two days that my mother and one of my sister have been with me. Whenever we are together we have a good time, just talking, laughing and forgetting about our problems. That has kept me sane these last two days.

It’s Friday evening and I anticipate a somewhat tough weekend since I won’t have my work to keep me busy or my mother to keep me company. She works weekends. My sister has also missed work the last two days, so she’s making those days up over the weekend.

My children are with me, but they tend to keep to their rooms, playing their video games and chatting with their friends. I probably get 10 minutes at a time with each.

While I anticipate an emotionally tough weekend, I am glad the area I was pricked during my biopsy is no longer itchy (see picture). I look forward to Monday when I have my gyno appointment. I’ve decided to have my IUD removed.

If it’s what caused this cancer, then I’d rather have it removed ASAP. It will be a heavy thought to bear if it’s low dose progesterone had a part to play– I would have much rather have had another child.

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